Overcoming Fear: Alaska Teacher Realizes Lifelong Dream

Jenny Benda spent years convincing herself she wasn’t cut out to be a teacher. 

Her first try was right out of high school, when she enrolled as an education major at the University of Alaska Fairbanks. During her first practicum, though, the then- 18-year-old found herself overwhelmed and afraid.  

“It was like 40-below-zero, and we’re on the playground, and I was terrified,” she said. “I kind of panicked and changed my major to English, which I was comfortable with.” 

Years later, while working at the school library in her hometown, Benda enrolled in the University of Alaska Southeast to earn her master’s in education. But then her mom got sick, and Benda dropped out to help with care. 

She re-enrolled after her mom’s death and took a few more classes. Her family was building a house at the time, she’d recently had her third child, “and I was just drowning again,” she said. “And so, my confidence was gone. I thought, ‘I guess I’m just not smart anymore after three kids.’”

To sum up, here’s a list of jobs Benda held after graduating college with her degree in English lit:

• Chamber of Commerce Admin Assistant 
• Harbor Office Administrator 
• Federal Programs Manager for the Elementary School Parent Resource Center 
• School Library Associate 
• Clerk of Court 
• Prevention and Response Specialist for the State of Alaska

And while she greatly enjoyed many of those positions and doesn’t regret them at all, here’s a list of the jobs she really, truly wanted in her heart:

• Teacher

Jenny Benda shared this photo of Valdez, Alaska, where she’s lived her entire life.

The Background Helper

Benda had always dreamed of being a teacher. As a child, she looked up to her teachers and took to heart what they said. 

“I had a couple, in particular, that I remember so well, and they believed in me,” she said. “And then I had one that was crummy, and I also remember the impact he had on me. And I was like, ‘Oh, I don’t want to be like that.’” 

As a library associate at the school, Benda started teaching the students sewing and journaling, and she loved it. But for whatever reason, she was nervous to pursue full-time teaching. She convinced herself she belonged on the periphery. 

“I guess I’ll just be the helper,” she told herself. “Be in the background.” 

She got close one time. She’d been at the library for seven years at that point and was also doing a lot of technical work for the district, so they asked if she wanted to teach a tech class at the elementary school. But when the position went to the school board for approval, the union objected. They didn’t want to give a union job to an uncertified teacher. 

“It kind of blew up a little bit, and my pride was hurt,” Benda said. “And that’s when I realized: If I want to teach, I need to be certified. I need to do it the right way.”

Benda and her husband have three children.

‘I Found My People’

Benda left her library job and worked for the state for a few years. She was trying to get some space to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. But then, like it always did, the school drew her back in. 

The preschool had an opening for a teaching assistant. They’d hired someone from the Lower 48 “who panicked and didn’t show up,” Benda said. “And so, it reopened at the last minute, which happens a lot here.” 

Benda applied and got the job.  

“I went back that first year, and that was it,” she said. “I found my people, and they were tiny.” 

Benda’s principal asked if she wanted to get certified, and as daunting as it felt, she said yes. She started researching programs, and that’s how she found Moreland University and the TEACH-NOW Teacher Preparation Certificate Program.

Whenever she’d looked into certification in the past, it had always seemed like such a burden, Benda said. The program would take years, for example, or she’d have to travel to Juneau.  

But Moreland seemed much more manageable. Benda loved how easy the application process was, and she loved how the TEACH-NOW program was broken down into smaller steps. Altogether, it’s a lot to take in. But step-by-step, it’s much more feasible. 

“Things just started clicking for me,” she said. “I was blown away by how much I learned and how everything made sense. … Anybody that’s thinking about it, I feel like if I did it — and I am the biggest self-doubter ever — then anybody can do it.”

Benda’s mom passed away in 2006 but was a large part of the reason Benda never gave up on her dream of becoming a teacher. Benda knows her mom would be proud of where she is today.

Landing Her Dream Job

Benda finished the TEACH-NOW program and took her final Praxis test in March. In April, she started her M.Ed. program with Moreland, with a focus on early childhood education. 

And it’s official: She just got hired as a first-grade teacher. She is (of course) terrified, but that is far outweighed by her excitement. Even better, her first class will be students she had in preschool as a teaching assistant, so she’s starting with an advantage.  

“I’m still in shock,” she said. “A year ago, I was like, ‘Maybe I should go back to school,’ and now I’m a first-grade teacher. This is insane to me. So exciting.” 

Over the years, Benda made up a long list of reasons she couldn’t become a teacher: She was too busy being a mom. She wasn’t smart enough. She’d waited too long. But what it really boiled down to was fear, she said. She’s not letting that stop her anymore.  

“I’m excited to finally step into that role and prove to myself that I can do it,” she said.  “I’m excited to teach. I’m just excited to be Mrs. Benda.”

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